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Let's see... get some string, pliers, a ball of wax... Starring Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, Ryan Phillippe, Val Kilmer, and Powers Boothe. Directed by Jorma Taccone Before I go too much further Ryan Phillippe has got to get a better agent. That being said in this review we hark back to the halcyon days of being a kid growing up in the Eighties. Back when there were “Rambo” lunchboxes, shit blew up, “G.I. Joe” fired lasers, Schwarzenegger kicked ass without bothering to get names, the “A-Team” roamed the L.A. underground helping out people in trouble, Chuck Norris never left a man behind, and a man with a mullet named “MacGuyver” could solve nearly every situation known to man with copper wire, a bubble gum wrapper, and a Swiss Army knife. Ah, the days... We good? Cool. “MacGruber” is the latest of the “based on a Saturday Night Live”-skit movies, following a line that goes downhill after “Wayne's World 2.” The title character “MacGruber” (played by Will Forte) who takes the idea of the mullet-sporting “MacGuyver” and changes him to a badass buffoon. They both share a disdain for weapons using only objects easily attainable for their arsenal. “MacGuyver” did it because he abhorred guns and violence (and was based on “The Prisoner”); “MacGruber” does it because he doesn't know how to use a gun. But how badass is MacGruber? The man has been on multiple continents and missions since Desert Storm. He has multiple kills, purple hearts, Congressional Medals of Honor, Presidential commendations, etc. His “special move” is ripping someone's throat out. Everything changed after Dieter von Cunth (Kilmer) blew up his wife and several others at their wedding. Since then the world has believed MacGruber to be dead. Now he spends his time meditating and staying in a remote village. When Cunth steals a Russian nuclear warhead, the X-5, longtime pal and government official Colonel James Faith (Boothe) pays a visit to MacGruber to call him back into service. The initial answer is “No” but with the idea that vengeance may be at hand, MacGruber agrees and assembles his team of “real American heroes with over one-hundred years of combined military experience” to help him track down von Cunth. And then they're blown up. On the verge of being taken off the mission MacGruber begs and pleads for “rookie” Lt. Dixon Piper (Phillippe) to be a part of his new team. Also joining is Vicki St. Elmo (Wiig), the sister of the dead “wife-to-be” Casey (Maya Rudolph). She's in love with MacGruber (don't ask me why) but MacGruber still can't get over Casey's death. The team then heads after von Cunth. Von Cunth is apprised of MacGruber's existence after MacGruber smashes up one of his clubs. He alternates having to get rid of MacGruber while following through with his plan to nuke the D.C. area. It's up to MacGruber and his team to stop it from happening. I'm guessing you may have been able to figure that out from the trailer. A little bit at least. The difficulty in watching this movie is that thing inside yelling not so much about the structure as it's telling you that there's nothing to like about MacGruber. He's callous, crass, arrogant, self-centered, pompous, full of himself, etc. (not me, ok?) It's not so much that others tell him what not to do as he's going to do what he wants to do regardless which lends to a scene where Lt. Piper says, “I've learned a lot by being around you. Mostly, what not to do.” MacGruber is in his own little world and the only one to share it, aside from Vicki, is von Cunth. And when you get to the explanation of what really happened between Von Cunth, Casey, and MacGruber well... I'll let you pass your own judgment on that. When the movie works, it works. While the trailer had a few scenes chuckle-worthy the movie itself goes places the trailer can only dream of and then some. It's not laugh-a-second but the laughs to be had are generally worth the price of admission. Let me ask what I didn't above: what was Ryan Phillippe doing in this movie? I'm not dissing the guy for his acting, but he seemed to be the only person not in-the-know on this one. Kinda like “Mr. Serious Actor” versus the rest of the cast being in on the joke. Val Kilmer got it. Powers Boothe even hams it up. You know Will Forte was in on it. Phillippe played the “straight man” character too rigid and at times even looked like he couldn't believe he was doing this for the money. Of all things this movie gets my “Best and Worst Sex Scene at the Same Time” award. At one point MacGruber goes to make out with Vicki and the entire scene feels straight out of an Eighties flick: candles, blue-gel moonlight, and “Broken Wings” by Mister Mister on the soundtrack. Suddenly the soundtrack stops and it's MacGruber and Vicki making noises as they do the “do.” Hilarious if you get the spoof/satire of what they're going for. And maybe that's a problem with the movie; not knowing if it wanted to be a spoof, satire, or what. MacGruber is cut-out from the late Eighties to the point where he carries around his car's tape deck (remember the ones with the handles so you could take them with you instead of being stolen?). The soundtrack itself is rocking with not only “Broken Wings” but “Baker Street” by Gerry Rafferty and “Steal Away” by Robbie Dupree (am I a music nerd or what?) If you're watching the trailer and thinking, “It's another 'SNL'-skit that feels stunted and rooted in a teenage mindset,” then you're spot-on. “Wayne's World” had the ability to tap into the pulse of the culture at the time and transcend it's paper-thin faults; “MacGruber” cannot. It's not to say that it's as bad as “Superstar,” “The Stuart Smiley movie,” “It's Pat!” “The Ladies Man,” or any of the other forgettable 'SNL' ventures, but again, “Wayne's World,” made a tough bar to surpass. If you're looking for a time killer and are at the movies, you could do worse. Otherwise, I suggest waiting for cable TV. My grade: C

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